First things first - yes, I am up the duff, I have a bun in the oven, I am knocked up, I'm riding the baby train, in the great words of Rizzo from Grease "I am a defective typewriter" (missing a period) and possibly my favourite "I have a trout in the well" (wtf???). But just to clarify, I am not a virgin and by no means was this an immaculate conception - far from it considering we aren't married yet.. nothing pure about that apparently! But for the sake of this blog, we will go by the names of Mary and Joseph or Joe for short.
So, the long and short of it is, I'm a first time mum and this is my story (I could say journey but its very lame and quite frankly overused).. and to give you a quick history, Joe and I decided last year that we were going to ride the baby train (well, Joe finally agreed) and it was all going to come together (no pun intended) this year, 2012. I wanted to wait till my job was sorted and we were probably going to start "actively" trying around March sometime so we could get in better preparation etc etc.. but since the new year, lets just say the baby dance became less and less inhibited once we made our minds up! But lets not go too much into the whole baby dance thing...
One regular friday night in February, you know, come home from work, collapse on the couch and open the goon.. what? This is not your typical friday night?? Anyway, a few vinos later and I realise I may just be a defective typewriter after all.. my period (the crimson tide) was due today and it didn't come.. I know what you're all thinking - too early? However, my crimson tide is always clockwork.. therefore in my tipsy state something clicked and I decided to pee on a stick (still not your typical friday night??) and I swayed out of the toilet squinting and asking Joe if he thought that was a second line.. he, in his infinite wisdom, says yes that is definitely a second line, baby I think you're pregnant.. pfffft I said, I'm not so sure about that so I will contemplate that over another goon (responsible parenting 101). I even called mum and asked her what she thought and she said she wasn't sure and maybe check again in the morning "those home pregnancy tests weren't around in my day etc etc" so I said I would check again in the morning when the old pee pee is more concentrated and I am conscious.. how can we possibly tell now when we are two sheets to the wind???
6.30am and nature calls (background check: I have always constantly peed, my bladder is weak as hell so as far as urinary frequency as a sign of pregancy goes, I will never be able to tell and shriek at the thought of a baby pressing on my bladder in later months.. although, on the bright side - can it get much worse?) so anyway nature calls and in my half sleepy-tripping-over-the-dog state grab the stick in question.. waiting waiting waiting at 6.30am is definitely a sobering experience.. same result - faint second line..
Ok so its saturday morning and I should be sleeping in.. instead I am staring at this stick with a billion things going through my head.. I woke Joe to tell him and he agreed and looked very excited and happy and in the same sentence started snoring again.. hmmm this stick still looks the same as it did 30 mins ago.. I know! I'll go to the doctor when Joe goes into work and see if their test is more sensitive..
So, the doctor affectionately asks me to pee in a bottle. I'm not sure if I was more nervous about this than the actual result! Female aiming has its own art form boys.. just when you think the bottle is in the right place underneath - BAM! the pee has a mind of its own and is somehow coming out at a 90 degree angle.. so I'm waving the bottle around (I honestly thought I had more coordination) and after getting pee on my hand, the outside of the bottle, the seat and I'm sure the walls, I managed to get some in the bottle for a sample. I couldn't help feel sorry for the Dr knowing she had to hold the bottle!
Soooo guess what?
The doctors test was exactly the same as mine! She said "well, you're definitely pregnant, the positive line has come up and the other one is faint but you're definitely pregnant, its just very early" woah.. 3 weeks and 5 days early to be exact.. I'm still in disbelief, shaky and my signature on the medicare form looked like it did in 3rd grade.. so I jump in the car and drive over to Joe half crying on the way and he looks at me as if to say "tell me woman!!!" I nod my head and he hugs me and off we go hand-in-hand into the sunset (well actually to Woolies to get some groceries). Isn't it funny how you just heard life altering news, yet life still goes on?
Then I said to Joe, I have to tell mum to which he agreed.. so I call her and as soon as I blurt the words out: "I'M PREGNANT!" mum starts screeching and I start crying which starts her crying and I'm sure if we were in the same room, we would need umbrellas and raincoats.. at least everyone is happy about it, including me but I am probably somewhat more stunned.. its been talked about for years, most of my friends have done it, I've worked around it, I've held one or two and even been nicknamed "the baby whisperer" and now its me - HOLY SHIT!!! (if you're listening baby, ignore mummy's bad swear words)
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